Archives for category: trust

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  1. Pretty much everything you think you know for certain, you don’t.
  2. Plan pee breaks, know where the nearest toilet is…at all times.
  3. My waist is becoming a distant memory.
  4. The amount of fucks I give is rapidly declining; at the same rate my waistline is expanding.
  5. Never deny yourself pleasure. Eat. Drink. Being skinny does not feel as good as real Italian pizza tastes, or fresh sushi, bacon sandwiches, picanha with soy and wasabi. Devour everything.
  6. The internet is dangerous for bored husbands with mobile phones and penis in hand…
  7. Dick pics are rarely enticing.
  8. Don’t try and change people. Everyone tells their own tale, we craft our own narratives, become characters in our own stories. If their reality is different to your version, let them keep it.
  9. Never stop being a kid. Once in a while sing, play, build nests and forts, jump around and laugh until you cry.
  10. My teeth are divorcing, the distance between them is so great, whole sirloin steaks can be found in the crevices. Toothpicks loiter in all my handbags
  11. When you have heard all their stories, if you are not making any new ones…it’s time to move on.
  12. You are as beautiful, sexy, alluring or desirable as you want to be, this does not come from outside. Radiate you, give a giant fuck off to anyone who doesn’t get it.
  13. You can move across the world, twice, and still find kindred spirits, good hearts and wise women.
  14. An early night in your own bed is a moment of pure pleasure.
  15. ‘Just stick it anywhere’ is not a romantic phrase to hear in a tender shared moment.
  16. Never, never, Google your symptoms. Inevitably it will say cancer, then you will have to spend the next hour panicking and further couple of hours reassuring yourself you are not dying.
  17. Your friends will have children who are adults, how is this possible when we all still need to grow up?
  18. Dating is not a game, it’s a procedure.
  19. You have definitely heard it all before.
  20. People may say you are an inspiration or a role model. You remember the time you slipped over in your own vomit after too much red wine and keep quiet…
  21. Travel is wonderful exhilarating and exciting but you can afford comfort over authenticity.
  22. Do not be afraid to be seen, be judged, be stupid, fuck up, fall over, all you need to do is get up and smile.
  23. Sing. Loudly.
  24. Inhabit the body you have, not the body you think you should have. Touch the sides.
  25. No more waiting, the time is now.
  26. There are people in your life who have grown older alongside you, and these are precious gems.
  27. You will experience loss and you can survive it.
  28. The excesses of youth do catch up with you, recovery times are increased, at times I feel like my body is angry with me, I am ever grateful it never gave up on me, despite the abuses.
  29. There are some people you have to let go.
  30. And some that go but stay with you forever
  31. Manage your expectations, be content with the reality of people and not the projection of what you wish they could be.
  32. You will know the meaning of perimenopausal and start to look out for ‘changes’.
  33. Don’t blame others for the consequences of your choices, own it, overcome it and hope to choose better next time.
  34. Vigorous dancing, especially jumping, can result in a little leakage…
  35. Don’t let this stop you jumping and dancing, a life without leaping is a life half lived.
  36. Fear is fading fast, I am no longer as afraid, it is not courage, it’s survival.
  37. There is still so much wonderful music you haven’t heard.
  38. Create, create, create and surround yourself with creative people, this is the real life force.
  39. Avoid people who want to change you.
  40. Avoid people who want more than you can give.
  41. Spend time with people who know and love you exactly as you are.
  42. Birthdays matter less but always take the opportunity to celebrate.
  43. Age ain’t nothing but a number baby
Me and the baby elephant!

Me and the baby elephant!

If, like me, you prefer to be in control of what happens in your life there are two main methods I would use to ensure I was always in control. The first method was, do nothing. If you don’t do anything different then you always know what is going to happen next. You will get up, go to work, go to the pub, sleep, see the same friends, laugh at the same jokes and memories. You can plan your life around TV schedules and opening hours. It is safe comfortable and actually very, very enjoyable. I am not knocking it; it worked for me for a long time.

The second method was do things alone, that way you can decide when to go, where to go and when to leave.

By moving abroad and becoming an expat, it becomes more difficult to stick to either method. These days I am using the second method more frequently but I am also trying to feel less control about what happens next.  I am trying to relinquish some control because what I am learning is by sometimes letting others lead you, you can discover many new and wonderful adventures.

To recap; I spent around 10 years living a relatively pleasant existence in Brighton, working, having fun, spending time with lovely friends and generally getting by. But I was sticking to method one. I didn’t really DO anything. I was in control of what happened because it followed a pattern. Three years ago I took control of the boredom that was starting to set in and applied for a job in Brazil. Three years later here I am, sitting in a coffee shop in Pai, Northern Thailand thinking about how I finally managed to open myself up to new experiences.

I started to travel when I moved to Brazil, I was a little nervous so my first trip was a three week organized tour. Life was easy I was in a small group (luckily all fantastic people who became good friends) and we were led from one place to another across Bolivia, Argentina and Chile. I didn’t have to worry about booking bus tickets or accommodation. Johan, the leader, Spanish-speaking South African, took care of everything. However, I did have to give up control, I had to give up knowing the detail of what would happen next. I am sure I drove Johan crazy, as I always wanted to know, so this bus is at what time? And it takes how long? And we arrive when? Questions, questions, questions…

I have grown to love travel but often I travel with others, with more experience (or confidence) than me, and although I am happy to let them take the lead this can be a struggle for the control freak inside me.

During the last three weeks I have been travelling again, with new friends in places they know very well. They are able to take me to locations I would never have found on my own or in The Lonely Planet. In order to fully enjoy these adventures I had to once again relinquish control but also to trust. I see now that being in control is really an issue of trust. I don’t think I trusted people when I lived in the UK. I was still learning to trust in Brazil, but Japan, sweet strange Japan, has helped me learn to trust. It’s so safe, organized and efficient. I trust that the train will arrive on time, the taxi driver will take me to my destination, the parcel will arrive on time.

So now, when I get on a minibus in Thailand and it stops, and I’m not sure why because I don’t understand the whole itinerary, now, I am not as worried. I’m not thinking someone is trying to rob me, attack me, mislead me or rip me off. They are just picking up some extra passengers.

In Chiang Mai I left some friends around 9.30pm and walked back to my hotel, a short walk 10 minutes maximum, along busy streets. Next day my friend asked, “Were you ok getting back?” I was little nervous, I answered truthfully but I knew it would be ok, “It’s so safe”.  She said, having been a Chiang Mai resident in that area for a few years. And I remembered friends in England walking back late at night telling me the same thing, but I didn’t believe them, I didn’t think it was safe then. But I trust more now, in what? The goodness of people? Trust that the world is not so dark, it shines a little brighter or I am not so afraid of not knowing everything that will happen next or preventing ignorance by never moving.

So I learn that travel requires a certain naivety. This town, full of youthful backpackers zooming around on cheap rented motorcycles with little thought of consequences. I have seen at least two people with bandaged injuries, one holding ice to her head. But they are joyful, and still having fun. I don’t advocate dangerous driving but I do have a little to learn or remember from these happy go lucky souls.

As I bounce along in these vehicles, on a road to who knows where, at the end of the journeys I have found; balloon rides, incredible scenery, delicious food and even baby elephants! I am so proud that I am learning to trust, because trusting people has given me some of the richest gifts of my life.

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